Hyperactive Visual Movement Disorder With Flashbacks (HVMDWF)
HVMDWF involves erratic, high-energy behavior correlating with the imagined perception of lights, patterns or objects in the visual cortex when engaged in physical movement, complicated by sudden intrusions of traumatic memories.
Sounds like a CrossFit workout to me… No, HVMDWF isn’t a “real disorder,” but who gets to say what a “real disorder” is anyway? To be blunt: the drug companies do. I got the above from this silly Disease Mongering Generator, from Natural News.com. Unfortunately, the creation of a disorder often does look much like the process they outline. Why would a drug company invent a disorder? Well imagine you’re a drug company, and you sell drugs that “cure” sick people. The more sick people there are, the more demand there is for your product. Like any good company, you don’t just wait around for demand, you want to create it! How to create more sick people? You could go around coughing on people, but that’s terribly inefficient. To create more sick people, all you need to do is invent a disease! Instant demand for drugs! Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS)? Didn’t that used to just be “fidgedy” or “the jimmylegs?” Acid Reflux Disease? Didn’t that used to be heartburn? Halitosis? Wasn’t this just “bad breath” (it’s actually fairly well known that the word halitosis was entirely invented to sell more dental products by making bad breath sound like a medical condition, and now there are 4 different professional diagnostic tests!)?
Look, modern medical care saves lives daily. It’s one of the best reasons to be alive right now. However, it’s also one of the reasons people are so unhealthy. We’ve created a culture that turns to a pillfirst for every little thing, and doctors* and drug companies are happy to hand them over. Remember, drugs are chemicals we introduce into our bodies to disrupt some process, so there are no drugs without side effects! There are only cost/benefit ratios. Don’t expect doctors* or drug companies to really weigh those for you. Be mindful of these side effects and always ask yourself if your issue could be better handled by lifestyle change first!
*I really don’t like to hate on doctors. They’ve put in huge amounts of effort to get where they are, and 99% of the time they’re doing it out of a genuine need to help people. However, the problem is the system they exist in. If the AMA/AHA/FDA recommends a particular drug for a particular condition (who do you think is in their ear?), the doctor is better off prescribing the meds even if he thinks the risks might outweigh the benefits. Why? Let’s say you’re unlucky and die from the condition, or it gets worse? Your family sues the doctor, saying: “why did you go against the AMA recommendations and not prescribe this drug?” He’s now in the news (and out of a job) as this crazy doctor who refuses to acknowledge the benefits of modern drugs. Let’s say you take the drug, your symptoms get better, but your blood pressure shoots up? You go back to him, and get another drug. So on and so forth… There’s always another drug to cover up the next side effect (more demand!). Thus the risk/reward ratio for the doctor almost always favors handing you a pill (which is what most people went to him for anyway).
Looks like we’re going out of business, folks. You now no longer need a workout to “tone” your glutes and legs. Just buy some shoes! The EasyTone walking shoe from Reebok, is only one of a whole rash of new shoes purported to turn everyday walking into a workout. The bastard child artful combination of a bosu ball and a running shoe, these guys supposedly increase muscle activation while walking. How much more? A whole 28% in the Glute*?! Wow, anything that’s 28% harder than walking has got to get you ripped!
This product obviously appeals to most people’s need to “feel like they’re doing something.” Unfortunately, most people have this erroneous view of fitness, which focuses on the work done. The workout is nothing more than a stimulus, what counts is the adaptation driven by that stimulus! I’m sure you all understand this by now, and even the article points out that this shoe might not actually drive any adaptation. Once again, if you like to jog, play wii fit, do bicep curls while standing on a bosu ball, or walk on these silly things, then by all means, go right ahead. However, don’t confuse them with an effective stimulus.
*As we learned Monday, the Gluteus Maximus is not appreciably active while walking over flat ground, so be careful with the games of percentage that these people are playing. What do I mean by “games of percentage?” Let’s say for the sake of argument that the Glute is 20% active while walking (super SUPER generous). If these shoes “work the Glute 28% harder”, the Glute would be 25.6% active (not the 48% they are implying). You squatted maximally on Monday. How would you say that effort compared to walking?
Workout
Snatch 6×2@80%
Then…
6 Rounds for time of:
2 gym lengths DB farmers walk (heavy)
15 air squats (works the Glute 895% harder!)
No, not that kind of bum. The kind of bum you’re sitting on right now. Known as your buttocks, comprised of a Gluteus Medius and Maximus, of particular importance is your Gluteus Maximus. A large brain, less hair (in most cases), and this muscle separate us from other primates. Even though it isn’t very active during standing or walking across level surfaces (most of what we do nowadays), the big glute plays a pivotal role in our more primal athletic tasks like lunging, jumping, throwing, sprinting, and squatting. Most things are now made to minimize muscular effort, with tables and chairs that allow us to avoid squatting and crouching. This easy modern life has resulted in several issues: we’ve lost flexibility, control, and strength in this muscle, which is detrimental to our athletic potential to say the least. How to train it? Squat! Deep and heavy. Nothing better for the development of strength and activation of the glute. Also, be sure to fire the muscle rapidly like in jumping and sprinting (or KB swings, eh)? The Gluteus Maximus, the muscle that separates humans from apes, and CrossFitters from sedentary America.
Apparently, a group of crack scientists is about to embark upon revolutionary research! The wild hypothesis? Being more active during the day will make you go to sleep faster! No, really, it’s true. The New York Times says so. I know it’s hard to believe, but finally someone is being so bold as to step this far outside the box.
The fact that this is news is really disturbing. First, is physical activity now viewed as optional? Do we need to actually come up with reasons to be active now? Also, this doesn’t seem like common sense to everyone? Post thoughts to comments.
Reminder: We’ll be traveling to CrossFit BWI this Saturday to participate in the Lumberjack CrossFit Memorial Workout. Proceeds from the event will benefit the families of the victims of the Ft. Hood shootings, as well as those injured. Click here to donate! The even starts at 10am at BWI. Their address is 501 McCormick Drive , Suites T-V, Glen Burnie, Maryland 21061.
Workout
Deadlift 3×3@85%
Then…
1-2-3-4-5-6-7 reps for time of
Front Squats
Push-ups
Core training. A lot is made of it in fitness magazines, and it usually involves some silly specialized exercises specifically designed to “blast” a certain muscle group. It’s claimed that this targeted core work will augment other fitness aspects, which is quite frankly, a foolish notion. Just like Mark Rippetoe points out, the body responds to stimulus by adapting specifically. That is, the parts of you that were stressed will adapt in proportion to that stress. So how do we train? Barbells. Not a day goes by in our gym that you don’t touch a barbell at some point, and there’s a good reason for it. Place a barbell on your back, simply squat, and it magically transforms into a “core stabilizer” while at the same time retaining it’s properties as a “glute strengthener” and yet still finds the time to “blast your hammies.” Even more stupendous? All of these areas will be trained in the exactly perfect proportion! All you need do is stand back up…
OK, OK. Some of you hate the OHS. It’s understandable. It demands flexibility, mobility, and strength, and sometimes if you’re just not there it can be frustrating. Scale back, use a light weight, and focus on the important points. Get as much depth as you can while still maintaining: lumbar curve, big chest, tight shoulders, knees out, heels down! I know it’s a ton to think about but stuff will start to come together. That’s why we took all week to practice! We’ve been really proud of everyone’s effort and progress, and it’ll be back to strength next week. Who woulda thought two months ago that you’d be relieved to be getting back to back squats!? Oh how things change…
Are you in charge of making Thanksgiving dinner? Maybe you’re just helping? If you have your hand in the preparation at all, I hope you’ve steered the decision makers towards more natural options than you normally find on the Thanksgiving table nowadays. Feel free to forget about any and all of our dietary rules on turkey day, save one: know where your food comes from! Cut out the processed stuff, other than that, have a ball. Unfortunately people have totally missed the boat when it comes to a major part of this holiday. If you want a banquet, you are supposed to spend a lot of time in the kitchen! Make cranberry sauce if you like it. Could it really be that hard? Don’t buy that giggling BS in the can. Unfortunately, there’s no such thing as paleo gravy. However, you should eat gravy on Thanksgiving, you have my blessing. Just make it yourself! Listen to Michael Ruhlman, and get started today with some Turkey stock. Thanksgiving is about coming together and celebrating the bounty that we all enjoy, and giving thanks for the things we have. It makes so much more sense to give thanks for a turkey, or give thanks for mashed potatoes (eat these too, a wonderful vehicle for more gravy) than it does to give thanks for sodium hexametaphosphate, or potassium sorbate. Eating some processed carbs for one day isn’t going to kill you, and if you learn something about making food in the process, then all the better.
The Olympic seminar went great and we’d like to thank the three coaches, Jordan, Cara, and John that made this possible! If you attended this event, post thoughts to comments.
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